Writing

I'm thinking of starting to practice writing in English in my blog yet again. Like the authors of the books I've read said, constant practices are what make writers better drafters. But I don't really know what to write about yet. I wish there is some program that generates random topics so that I could freely write on that. Well, perhaps there's already one out there, it's just a matter of time to find it. Or, could somebody pick me a topic by commenting on my post? I know nobody is reading my blog, but can't somebody just appear from nowhere and add comments on every single post? Can you, GOD, do it for me???

Psychology test

Shit! Psychology test was actually more difficult than what I thought it would be. Although I've studied a lots of times - I've written entire lecture notes at least 3 times - there were still some things I've missed and I didn't fully understand. I realized I should focus more in lectures from now on. No more taking out cell phone and checking random things every ten minutes. And I should also start sitting more towards the front of the lecture hall. I think I got at least 5 wrong on this exam. But from now on i'll put much more effort, not only in this psychology class, but also in my other classes as well. Fighting!

Hi?

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything here. I used Naver blog, which is a Korean website, because I wanted to write things in Korean. Had some fun with that, but I just feel like I should be spending that time writing English, because, there seems to be like no other time practice writing. It is a dilemma because I love writing in Korean, and can write better as well, but since I'll be living in America (I guess?), I feel like I should devote my time practicing my second language.

However it's not solely my fault being ambivalent, because the interface of Naver.com is so much better than Blogspot, or any equivalent American site. It's really fancy, and allows me to modify things in a creative way, unlike really dull looking, inflexible Blogspot. Why can't they make changes to draw more people and earn further revenues? Why can't they just have a wider perspective, or reflect opinions of the users???

Anyways, I'll start posting here more frequently with creating a few categories. I want to review things that I purchase which will be a lot of them since I started making some ca$h. 

Whoever that visits my blog (if there's anybody at all), keep your eyes on me.

Cya

Money

Yesterday, I felt very suffocated, not because I was physically so, but mentally pressured by many different factors. One of them was about money. Before the end of last year and beginning of this year, I honestly didn't understand why people are crazed about the status of '유학생'. Since I'm from Ithaca, and all the people there were children of professors, we were living at a similar standard, upper-middle class people who aren't luxurious at all. Furthermore, all my friends were oblivious to luxury goods, and were just normal students who didn't have any extravagant tendencies.

But beginning from this summer, I slowly opened my eyes towards high end clothes, like Givenchy, Dior, Dsquared2 and everything else. It started from me having an interest towards outfits and clothing, which is sort of late compared to other peers. As I surfed the web and looked at different type of clothes, I began to identify some things on the street and purchase some myself. And even when I was in Korea, I wasn't didn't have any feeling towards people who wear them, only thinking they have lots of money, or are stylish.

But when I came here and made new friends, I discovered there are a lot of rich people than I thought they'd be. It felt like they were living different lives than 'average' people myself included, where money wasn't a restraining factor, and could afford whatever they wanted if they wished. There is a guy who has so many Givenchy clothes that I can't imagine how many more he has, and there is another guy who wears Chrome Hearts accessories, which costs at least half a grand for a simple ring. These are only a few people I know that are rich, and the thing is there are many more who live similar lives.

I sometimes compare myself to those people, and feel wretched, although it is natural to do so, and even angry at certain times. I know that studying in America is an extremely good privilege given to me by my parents, who had to study and work just to afford college education fees because his father has passed away when he was a senior. But even acknowledging I should be more than grateful towards my parents, I only feel I'm so tiny, and so poor that I feel inferior when I hang out with those people. Brands I think are not that cheap, they regard it as cheap shit that they don't want to buy, and spending certain amount of money for meals which is sometimes excessive to me, is nothing for them.

 I know nothing is going to change even I feel very envious to these people, but I can't stop feeling jealous to these people because it's a human being's instinct to act so. In the future, I want to be one of them, but it should be done by myself, from money I earn by working hard. I want to tell them that you are not superior than I am, and I want to be looked upon others with jealousy.

Fuck. I'm so fucking pissed right now. My TA wouldn't raise my grade up for the blog post I've written. She gave me fuckign 78 for a decent post, just because it didn't have coherent connection. What a fucking non sense. Because I got BC in my blog, even if I get 100s on every other thing in that class, I barely get over 92, when the cut for A in this course is 93. She fucking blew my opportunity to get an A in this class. I could drop this class, but since this is going to be my major, it's going to look very bad in my transcript. I don't want to study. asd;fokljsdfaws-eSDFKLjas;fijwsekdfapsodkfjlaskdj,faosidf Fuck you.

Recent thoughts

The feeling when you finally lost trust on somebody is quite bewildering and depressing to some extent. I think I had this moment just recently, when I fit in different pieces of tiny puzzles and finally saw a big picture of how everything went for somebody and how I was so nearsighted, unaware of what was going on. Although I'm happy I at least realized that, the fact that I couldn't see it until now is kind of pathetic. After so many hours of conversation and chatting, I had gained enough information to get some insight of how that person is, and how she maintains her complicated relationships. However, I was just one ignorant who didn't even understand what situation I was in. Thankfully, my friend provided a missing piece of puzzle and I saw that I was one of the 'fishes' she was carrying (this is a korean term, so there's no proper translation of it). I maybe a little bit upset because of this, but still, I could think it as an opportunity to put down a burden and time to take a step forward, since I had been very unorganized and undisciplined for awhile.

Well, finally all my exams are over, and the summer has come!

I'm at my place right now, it's kinda muggy compared to Madison, but I'm glad everything is over.
I got to check my grade for Comm Arts 250, and I was super excited to find out that I have scored 96.4 on the final, which I was really nervous because I thought I missed lots of questions. But it turned out that I did a great job on the test, unlike my bad expectations. However, I was soon dismayed to discover I got an AB, because I was short for about 0.7 points. I didn't do as well on the first midterm and the first paper, which I definitely should have put much more effort on. It really felt bad to get my first AB, meaning that my dream of maintaining 4.0 GPA is obsolete now.

As I'll get more grades, my GPA might go lower than that. I really hope I did really fine on speech class which I really hated so that it doesn't bomb my grades.....!